Glazed Earthenware Horse wrote:Tennisman, thank you so much. That has helped me a great deal. I thought this morning might be better...but the grief is still a baby in swaddling clothes. I checked my phone and found my Mum's phone number in the menu. I collapsed in a sobbing heap. I'd always dreaded my Mum dying. When it happens it's as bad as you knew it would be, but not. If that makes sense. I envisaged my self after Mum's demise for so long, wandering around shopping centres wailing. Obviously I haven't done that. Perhaps because my Mum was such a lover of shopping. Keep looking at the old photos...and one more recent. Her 80th birthday in Scarborough. The place she loved the most.
tennisman wrote:Very sorry to hear this Horse.
I can relate.
This evening, as I have done for every Friday evening since April 21st last year, I track the time as on that evening, it was my Mum's last night.
She died in the early hours and as agreed with my Sister, she rang me. The phone going at 2am meant one thing and even though we knew it was coming, the shock of the reality was like being taken into some sort of parallel universe.
I'd been with her all afternoon but the carers believed she would last the weekend and I drove back up to the NW from Cheltenham, as I'd done more times than could be counted in the previous 6 weeks. Sadly, it was not to be.
She lived a good life, albeit with a tough childhood. Actually, from the age my father died, when she was 50, although she grieved him terribly, she was an incredible role model to anyone on how to carry on and make the most of your life. Effectively, she created a 2nd life for herself in the last 43 years from 50 to 93. Whilst she gave us everything, if there is one daily mantra I might be heard saying out loud these last few months, it would probably be, 'Come on, get on with it. What's next?'. Despite a few bad situations, she never gave up and kept going to the end.
She would be the first to tell me to get on with things and not be held back in grieving for her.
Thing is, when we lose our parents, it's such a deep thing. I have experienced emotions and feelings like I would never have imagined. My Sister said the other day, 'She's with us everywhere, isn't she?. I replied, 'She's in our very fibres'.
Thankfully for her and us, the care she received in Cheltenham Hospital and a local care home (St. Faiths) was outstanding.
You have my deepest condolences. May she RIP.
Via here, I'm sure I speak for many others, if going by the other posts above, if I can help you in any way, just shout.
What a great photo of Mum, Horse.
Hang in there. You WILL be okay but it's going to take time.
Now is also the time to use the help of others; like family and close friends.
Don't think twice about doing it either.
If you feel like sobbing some more, then let it out.
I've found that the people I've talked to about Mum have almost ALL opened up with stories of their own.
Sadly, you are in that club that just about all of us becomes a member of, even though you never applied.
Very best wishes.
(Thought it best to post this here rather than in pandy) 
